Marni

I just feel so monetarily (is there such a word) challenged at the moment. I hate having made dumb decisions and wishing I had done/said/chosen some other path in retrospect.

Yes, I do want the Credit Suisse job. There's been talk about wanting me back after I graduate, and there's been talk about wanting me to work on til my semester starts. I'm meeting my vice-president in a meeting invite he titled "catch up" on 12th June. He always names serious 1-1 meetings as such. This seriously makes me wonder,"Is he gonna hand me a contract?" Followed by, "Is this the job God wants for me?"

Yes, I have another monetary issue to think about. Am I too idealistic? Am I too optimistic? Or am I too unrealistic? At this point of time, to think about commiting myself to something of this magnitude (relative to my bank statement) before I have anything substantial in hand might seem so. My greatest problem in money is not the fear of lack, but the lack of it. Perhaps somewhere in my mind I always see the half full cup, and I've never been steered otherwise only because somehow, God provides so extensively abundantly for me. Oh the grace that paves my way. Truth be told, I've never been in lack, any sense of it.

Yes, I've counted my costs. I've worked the math. I've weighed the intricate balance needed to hold the equation together. If God be willing, let me have my contract and show me the way to go. I want to turn back to know I've walked the highway and not the by-way. Yet not as I will, but as You will.