Feeling hot

Singapore's weather is so urgh. It's coming to September and when you would expect the weather to cool off somewhat, a sudden heatwave creeps up behind you. Feeling kinda dizzy at the moment, and the heat is helping my vision to gyrate a little more. Whoooaa.. Like eating "magic mushrooms". Haha, yeah I just finished Bridget Jones Diary 2 last night. Funny show, wonder why I had missed it a year ago.

It'll be a mouthful to pen down my updates, thoughts and what have you over the last week since my last entry. I'll try to keep it short, but since some quirky folks have Teachers Day to read, hope you guys can finish reading without falling asleep.

I was suppose to get my haircut over the course of the week before, but decided to be adventurous and try a new hairdo. Gonna attempt to keep it longer, hope it doesnt turn into a frizzly orange pom-pom. I had spent my entire weekend in church for the revival series. It's refreshing, and would have been pretty life changing had it not been the fact that I had learnt most of the stuff back in Sydney. Was in church til 11.30pm on Friday, 11.20pm on Saturday, and rushed off on Sunday morning for Bilingual Service.

Funny things happen when I go for service. Haha, well normally we would have 10-10.30am to test the mikes, run through the songs and get ready for everything but this sunday we had the stage from 10.28am onwards, that leaves us with just about no time before service was suppose to start. We run thru one song and started at 10.40am in the end, so I would say we were rather unprepared. It didnt help I was nursing a dumb dumb sorethroat as well. I'm terribly embarrassed to say, I went hyper uber super duper ultra off at the 5th song. Haha, the most off I had every gone in the history of being on stage if I recall correctly. But still, at the end of it the worship went on pretty well and Eng Kwang said the whole band was quite awesome that day. Not sure if he had intently heard me gone off. Maybe the mixer had an auto-off-detector sensor that censors off tune singers.

There was something that hit me during the service. I once thought about what I was afraid of over the last week. And I had come to the conclusion that Daniel wasn't afraid of anything sufficiently for it to be categorised as fear, or so I thought. The preacher said this sometime during the service,"Lest one day Jesus would say to us,'Get away from me, I never knew you.'" And all of a sudden, that got me thinking. What if the day would come when Jesus would say the same things to me, what would it be like to be rejected by God? It hit me like a bug smashed on a windscreen that my number 1 fear in life was rejection. Perhaps its due to some circumstances and past experiences in life that this fear had crept up somewhere behind me. I'm not the type who hides behind fear, I mean even if I was afraid, I would do it. That's me. But being rejected by God was one thing I could never take. It got me trembling, literally. I breathed,"God the whole world can reject me, but not You. Please, not You."

At the end of the service, people got up to the front to be prayed for and being the Worship Leader, it was my task to sing the few songs and get the music going. But I was still trembling beneath, and physically shaking. There was a point in the song I couldnt sing, I had just wanted to drop the mic and go to the front to be prayed for instead. But what would have been my prayer request? "Pastor, I'm afraid of being rejected by God. Please ask God not to reject me?" Actually I'm pretty sure God wouldn't reject me. But all those past experiences are just telling you,"He might.. He might.. Oh you'll never know..". I had lasted through to the end of the service, but only just. But i went back with a realization of something. This innate fear had shaped me somewhat. Because of this I am always trying to be nice, and a well-received person. Sometimes even having to make certain decisions just to win popularity votes from others. I'ld never intently say things nor do things to hurt other people. And I believe in trusting others, the "why not rather be cheated?" mentality. Well, at least I'm sure God won't cheat me. Nor reject me for the matter, so why not rather be married to God instead?

The Final Farewell

My grandfather's family of 1 spouse, 8 children and 14 grandchildren, along with friends and relatives bidded a final farewell this morning. As everyone gathered in the morning, there was a dense mix of feelings in the air. It started to pour an hour before the final prayers to be held under the block, and we gathered for a quick prayer, committing the weather over to the Lord. The weather was windy, dark, gloomy and cold. The inside of the casket had a slight layer of moisture just below the glass above the passes of grandpa's exposed skin. Five days, the trapped moisture inside the casket had started to appear, as if to remind us, today was the final day we could see our beloved grandfather.

Well, 15 minutes before the prayers started, the rain subsided to mere trickles. I wouldn't say it was a rare sight of a miracle, but God is faithful, even to the mourning. On a day that was otherwise grim, it gave us a powerful reminder that God is still in control, even now and then. Grandma took a final look over her husband of half a century, and with red eyes turned back towards her seat, helped along by her teary maid. Muffled sniffs sounded about the void deck, as the Pastor gave a quick summary of what would happen later, before rounding up in a prayer. Casket was closed briefly, as was the moving of it into the van. A short trip towards the main road followed, as the song "Amazing Grace" was played over the air. Its was the final journey for my grandfather, and we slowly accompanied him at the back of the van, each step filled with sweet memories of days before. Tears continued to trickle down the cheeks of many, mixed with the occasional drop of rain, but the sorrow nonetheless undiluted. The van came to an abrupt halt as everyone was silently ushered into the buses, headed towards Mandai Crematorium.

Hall 1. Beautiful paneled walls, comfortable wooden benches and a smell of a newly constructed building lingered about the airconditioned room. But none who enteres will have the intention of returning, an irony. The hall remained silent for what seemed like a gap in time. For a handful of minutes, you could hear a pin drop. Everyone was aware of the heavy heartedness that hung about the atmosphere. All except an occasional child, nonchalant to the passing of a relative. A song, a declaration, a chorus, a testimony, a benediction and soon a final look upon grandpa's countenance. Final - a dreaded word today. A short, painful and powerful adjective gripping the memories of better days and hauling them to surface in our minds. A tear jerked or two follows, and another short prayer for his passing. Yellow Chrysanthemum for the ladies, white ones for the men. Friends were handed tulips, as each made a final round about the casket, taking a peer into the glass before placing the flower in respect of the deceased. I will not cry, I reminded myself; I will hold back. Easily said, but amidst the rush of memories that poured open like flung wide dams, the heart could easily have been crushed.

The silence continued, broken by the occasional sniffs, as we took a short walk to the viewing gallery. Taking a quick glance, many eyes were red and tissues were passed around but no sight of the casket just yet. Everyone pressed towards the front of the large glass that separated us from the stretching corridor below leading towards the furnace, as if the walls that separate between the living and the dead. Children began to grow anxious in waiting. Adults wished the passing of time would proceed in reverse order. But uncountable numbers had wished the same from long before, and none had come to pass. So it was likewise, ours would be no different. The head of the casket appeared. A machined trolley slowly crawled its way towards the metal furnace doors, carrying the wooden frame around the body of whom was once the head of the household, a greatly respected figure and mightily loved. Muted wailings began to whimpered about the front. Sniffs grew more apparent and no one fought against the heart pains, it was meaningless. I will not cry, I reminded myself. My eyes transfixed upon the trolley, many silent goodbyes to my beloved grandfather whispered beneath my breath. It was easier to look at the wooden casket, than to glance at the large photo of my grandfather my cousin was holding. The casket meant nothing, but that photo meant everything that everyone held dear today. Before we could breathe again, the casket had disappeared and we were ushered outside.

I stayed silent. I had not shed a tear. A brief victory it seemed over what could have been a flood of emotions. But as everyone started to wash up their faces, and attended to the refreshments, my brief victory began to crack. I could not speak. I knew that if I did, what I had held back for so long might have been all in vain. I took short random strolls about the long corridor to avoid conversations as I grit my teeth as if to tell my heart to strengthen up. Random thoughts dashed across my mind in the short moment of silence. I realized, I was not ready to lose my parents, I was not ready to lose my grandmothers and I was not ready to lose a lot of other people whom were dear to me. With each person reminded, I prayed that the Lord will be merciful.

The journey back seemed longer than before. Perhaps a mindful of thoughts had lengthened the threads of time. We returned to where we had first begun the final journey. Nothing much had changed, except grandpa was no more. But for some like us, that might have meant everything. For sweet memories, faded photographs and the occasional conversations are what's left of grandpa. But in our hearts, a great name; a legacy of a father, grandfather and of a faithful Christian remains forever, as with his spirit in the hands of Jesus.

Jesus The Same
by Hillsong, album: For all You've done

There's a light in the darkness that shines
Giving hope to all the world
Hope to all the world
And there's a door that's been opened to all
Into a new and living way
A new and living way

Praise the name of Jesus
Perfect Redeemer, Star of the Morning
Yesterday, today and forever
Jesus the Same...

There's a fire that burns in our hearts
To see the lost return
To the Father
And it's a passion that's not of our own
We have seen it in the Son
In the face of the Son

Wonderful Counsillor
Mighty God, Eternal Father
Prince of Peace

And now 13 months later..

Last morning (like about 1am), I finally got my act together and made some resolutions. Unwittingly, it was exactly 13months ago, on 21st July, since I last had to make a resolution like that. It's funny, how deja vu happens and God seems to be playing the same prank on me once more. Not ranting, but I really see a great sense of humour in that.

I'm dropping the Anvil thought. Haha.. yeah giving up. Daniel tends to be a pest when it comes to such things, so I hope ya havent really minded me. I'm REALLY slow in this aspect, like it takes someone to join the dots together before I get the hints. Quite retarded.

Saturday service's message was really funny too. About the Will of God, and explicitly in the area of relationships (boy to girl, not boy to boy or girl to girl please). What a funny time it was, and I got home, read a blog and brooded my brains off. Thanks to a demi-angel, I got slapped in the face a couple of times before I woke up. Time to bounce off the trampoline and start bouncing on the streets, get moving on! But I've got this to tell ya, if you like someone, go tell the person (M18)!

Oh ya, I keep getting a blog visitor from Australia, in St George's Terrace on Westnet or something. Is that you Mr Jonathan Carl's Jr. C Wong? Cos I've something to ask you, so get ur MSN up again hor thanks! :)





I love my church! The best church in da world!

God decides to bring Grandad home

Just returned from a funeral, yep my Grandad's funeral. I was half asleep this morning when my mom SMS'ed me at 7.23am. It's really rare my mom SMS'es me, so every message or call I get, I'm half prepared for bad news bout my Grandad. Well, today was the day afterall. Grandad passed away before 5am on Friday morning.

His passing was a peaceful one, a very peaceful one in fact, as I heard from my parents. My Grandma did a check on him at bout 5am in the morning and found him to have stopped breathing, but his body temperature was still warm, so we gathered his passing was about then. My Grandma informed my Auntie next door, and soon after my parents had arrived. My parents visited him on Thurs evening, and they knew Grandad's time was soon. They noticed his eyes had shriveled a bit and so did his tongue, plus he was getting pale. They prayed for him, spoke with him and gave him comfort, and he responded with a soft acknowledgement. Actually, Grandad knew he would pass on too. He told one of my cousins, Sheryl, that he saw 3 people next to his bed over the week, watching over him. He knew they were angels, and so now do we.

Grandad had been bed ridden for the last 3 months or so already, and it's been quite awhile now. It's actually quite miraculous that he had still 3 months from back then. The Doc had suggested pulling the plug to my Aunties and Uncles then, but they wanted him to be comfortable until the Lord says it's time. It's heart aching to see someone getting this old, weak and fragile, skinnier by the day. If it's this much for me as a grandchild, I really cant imagine how much more for my aunties and uncles. There are always one of those moments when everyone made a quiet prayer that the Lord would be merciful and give him peace sooner, just that no one made it public. I do wonder, what will it be like when I'm old and weak. Will I have nice filial children to take care of me? Or will it be a lonely late-life? Whatever the case for me, Grandad is certainly very fortunate. My aunties and uncles are really wonderful people, as with my cousins.

The funeral will be on til Tues morning, in Ang Mo Kio. The memorial service runned by COSB will be held on Sunday, 8pm. :)

boy oh boy oh boy..

Boy, am I zombed, with a capital Z! Been stressed up all week, feeling couped up and bottled up drinking 7-up from a glass cup. My report's finally done and handed in ahead of schedule, and only to discover the laboratory extended the dateline to Monday. Eeeps.. Well, pushing to finish it ahead isn't exactly a bad thing. It gives me time to relax and put my mind where it should be, and also to concentrate on this weekend. My wee l'il brain has been kinda down and out, fried and overrun. I have a huge problem Doc, I think I think too much. I think it's inherent in my nature, I'm too curious, too inquisitive and I dun like to leave stones unturned. It really doesnt help that I'm rather vocal, and not to mention forthcoming. So if I ask questions, dun mind alright? It's just me being geniunely interested. Stephanie-san says I'm a person who's full of thoughts, can't remember the chinese words she used but I think it encompasses much more than I can explain in English. So by the way, does that make me thoughtful? Ah well..

It's NTU Student Union Day later from 11.30-15.30pm, and all classes within that time slot are cancelled. My classes on Friday happen to be 11.30-14.30pm! Tee hee hee, I think someone up there must have arranged a rest day for me. Ah anyway, I'm gonna be spending the day studying (whenever I feel like it), washing me clothes and doing the maid jobs. Will be in room, much ado bout nothing, til 4-5pm then leave for Worship practice in church. I love it! I love this chalet lifestyle of hostelitism!

I'm back to playing DOTA. Haha, well erm it's a Warcraft III custom game for those who don't know. Haven't touched it since March when I started studying for exams, and haven't had the time to meddle with DOTA during the holidays either. Basically I was either overseas, or working my socks off to pay for my overseas. Can't play this game too much actually, each game takes about an hour or two if you're really unlucky. Gonna get all pukey.. Then again the pukiness a good thing, cos I need to spend majority of my time elsewhere on studies or church. Won't get hooked on it lah, so no worries. At least, you have my word you wont find me skipping lectures or church to play game! Haha..

Oh yes, it's an earthly hour at the time of this post if you notice. I've ordered McDonald's a few minutes ago, just to test their 24hours delivery system. 9piece McNugget meal with twister fries and ice-tea shared with my roomate, Philip. Should be good.. But they're gonna take an hour. Bleh. Hope my fries are still crispy (I highly doubt, cos it never happens). I love deliveries, not quite McDonald's but at this hour.. anything will do.

Daniel has this to say..

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH VERY HARD AH!!!"

Interpret it however you like. But ermm.. Calvin, no dirty thoughts please.
I don't understand, I think I'm rather strong-willed and mind-over-matter. But I can't do it, I really can't. I need more beef to my soft and weak cardiac.

His Love
Hillsong Australia - God He Reigns

Verse:
Your light is over me, flooding over me
The night is lifted
Heaven over me, flooding over me
I can't contain it

Prechorus:
My cup overflows, My cup overflows

Chorus:
Praise the Lord with all my heart
Praise Him for He has done great things
His banner over me is love, His love

Bridge:
You brought the sunshine in, and turned the dark to day
You made the shadows flee away
You opened up my eyes, to a new and living way
The dawning of a brand new day

23yrs 1day

I'm officially 23yrs and a day old! *clap clap* The years sure are catching on. I think I'm heading towards the path of old-folkiness quite smoothly, albeit steadily. The last time I did a quick check on myself, I realized I'm in the process of doing a lot of the stuff our grandparents could easily identify with.

1) Take care of other people's children.. For free!!
2) Colour hair to something more "youthful" looking
3) Washing clothes and find myself enjoying it
4) Trusting my own ironing skills (only)
5) Prefering to wear sandals, almost ALL the time
6) Inability to sleep in aircon rooms without morphing into an elephant
7) Sitting down for a cup of drink with old friends
8) Dislike reading, otherwise sleep inducing
9) Planning ahead was taboo.. (ok just kidding)
10) Telling people too much pepper induces hair loss (also kidding, or maybe not)

I thought about why people actually celebrated Birthdays and came to 2 conclusions. One being, you've had a happy year and are really thankful for it. So you celebrate and cross ur fingers to hope (or make a wish) that the next one will be equally wonderful. The second being, you've come to the realization that you ARE one year older, that brings you closer to erm, the day you would ultimately leave the face of the earth. So you celebrate like it's a good thing, to prevent that feeling of haplessness. Realizing that any other day you could have departed, but it wasn't within the last 1 year since your previous birthday. Hence you're feeling really thankful to God, and want to spend a special day with the people that presently means most to you, and that being your Birthday!! I reckon anyone of us might fit into either of the category, perhaps with a couple of twists here and there but birthdays are quite wonderful aren't they? :)

Well, I had 23 of those days of which barely a handful of them worth remembering. But it doesnt really matter, age is just a figure in the mind, it's how the heart really bubbles that counts in the end doesnt it? The best of each world would be maturity of a decade older, but the heart of a decade younger. Do I have that? Haha.. well, maybe my youths will know better.

A couple of interesting happenings recently. I've just read about 4 protesters (not protestants) strutting their stuff at the CPF building during lunch hour today. Funny.. Really funny. I mean how rare is that? Singapore having protesters? Quite impossible, and only 4? I think it's an absolute joke. I would have thought I was on Gotcha or Candid Camera if I were part of the folks queueing up at the CPF building. Okie, they were actually protesting about the government having a need to be more transparent and open with the usage of the funds of the people. You can clearly see the departments they're bad mouthing on the back of their shirts.

Funny fact one: It's been years since there was a "riot" in Singapore. Apparently, 12 riot police were activated for this HUGE riot, armed with helmets, knee-high protective gear and carrying shields and batons forming a phalanx. (Time to give those equipment a good dusting..)
Funny fact two: Among the 4 protesters were an office administrator and sister of an Opposition Leader, Chee Soon Juan. (How's that for an in-your-face?)
Funny fact three: The 4 protesters said they did not need a permit and staged their protest for about an hour. Well, under the law, any public protest of at least 5 people without a police permit is deemed illegal. (Wow, they sure know their math well!)
Source: Copyright © 2005AFP, Copyright © 2005 Yahoo! Pte Ltd. All Rights Reserved.

Anyway, I notice a trend somewhat of late. Hmm, I see the nicks on the MSN's (no names) reflecting a season of fruitless waiting, shattered dreams and broken-heartedness. And I see it mostly among guys, with the exception of a few girls. I'm guessing the situation with the guys are that they wait on for someone, and the wait goes on and on.. and on.. and on. I mean I've been through it myself, and I do think.. waiting is the hardest thing to do. Every pair has different situations and circumstances of course, so ladies please don't prod me with a "you don't understand Danny boy". I don't and probably won't 100%, and I'm sure there are reasons that the ladies don't feel they're ready. So guys, dun keep forcing the ladies to make a decision for you. Everything in it's season, and in God's time. Chances are, if she doesnt feel ready, then she REALLY isn't ready. What we need to do is to be gentlemenly and wait it out, or trust God has someone better in mind! So dun fret all you broken-hearties (especially the boys), but for the ladies, don't ignore or avoid the dudes. I think that's really really a hard pill for them to swallow, if it ever gets down. Unless of cos the guy is a complete jerk lah.. But I don't think any of my MSN contacts are. Well, okie maybe a couple of weirdos. Wahaha!

Then again, on the flip side of the coin, it ain't a time of gloom and doom for you lovebirds (I'm beginning to sound like some horoscope churning machine). I've just had 2 close friends getting attached (erm, not to each other) recently! Really really surprised for both couples. I guess the element of surprise comes in that I dunno either of their companions, but that's quite cool actually! Haha.. Congratulations on finding your true love dearies.

Hefty Weekend

It had been quite an intense weekend, and an immensely tiring one it was. The grand finale of the TOTS committee was always a nationwide event aimed all out at raising funds for Charity. Well, this year we had planned for a couple of different programmes but we couldnt bring them to pass in the end for various reasons, one of which was commitment as we were all a student body with studies at hand anyway. But still it was all good in the end, as our event ended on the 7th August at Eastpoint.

Shalln't bore you all with the details but a couple of interesting highlights included celebrities such as Allan Wu (Wong Li Lin's husband), Evelyn Ng and Caroline Cheong (from Lightyears if u remember). Shaking hands with big Al made me learn one thing, the dude had sweaty palms!! Haha.. He was really charming and had a disarming smile, best yet he was really nice as a person. Evelyn and Caroline were really lively. They were suppose to be celebrity judges for our Dog Competition and it turned out they both loved dogs. Caroline, who was sick on that day, has 4 dogs, 1 cat and 3 kittens at home! Wa lao.. That's a zoo in there.

Another highlight was the special appearance of Lydia and Yunying, her winning partner from NUS Rhapsody 2004. They took the first 30mins of Saturday's stage, and sang a couple of hits. I didn't plan for it, but my programme IC had gotten them somehow and a pleasant surprise it was! It was great, and their biggest fan, Helena "Nana" Ho turned up to support them. She was really nice, bought quite a lot of Charity Tickets from me and even bought drinks for us.

Well, apart from the other normal Dancers, Singers and blablabla, there was really nothing else new for me. I had seen them come and go from our last year's event at Westmall. But this year was really specially tiring for me. No idea why, but I've got this HUGE headache towards the evening of both Sat and Sunday. It's really mentally tiring to make sure the programmes, people and event goes on smoothly, running through everything in my mind ahead of time. It was all good in the end.

I should think we did a superb job as a committee in the light of what happened in recent weeks. The NKF saga really made Charity Organisations hit a bad patch, with all donations being cut 30-40% on the average, some even met with violent objections and rejections. I myself had one with a comment such as,"Go take some money from NKF instead." And one of my committee members being retorted at with "SIAM LAH!". It really was very testing for us, and tiring as we gave it our best for our beneficiary, Club Rainbow Singapore. The venue was pretty bad this year, cos it was Eastpoint at Simei MRT. Anyone heard of it? Haha.. yeah some of our performers even got lost finding their way there. The crowd was relatively pathetic compared to last year's Westmall, which wasn't so spectacular either. We've had places like J8 and Marina Square prior to this venues. But still, the committee and helpers had pressed on and I'm quite proud that we've managed to sell the same number of tickets as the previous year despite the NKF saga and bad venue, it was really an awesome effort from everyone! Now that the event is over, our year of canvassing and planning had finally come to an end. A happy one? I hope so.. But it's a stone off my chest anyway.

As for now, hmm.. I've to figure out how to spend my short 1 day holiday. Gotta busy myself or I'll end up brooding. Happy National Day everyone! Haha.

Thiago Marinho dos Santos

I was in Sydney for the Hillsong Conference about a month back, (wow has it been that long already) and I signed up for Compassion Australia. Basically a network that reaches out to the children stricken by poverty around the world, and funds their necessities through volunteers. I like what they use as a slogan, "Releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name". I'm not at all a rich dude, and it took me quite a hefty lot of courage to take up the challenge of sponsoring a child long term, which I did in the end. The slogan really helped me make up my mind in the end, it's more than just your average charity work! It's releasing children from the griefs and pitfalls of poverty, and funding them with godly materials, to bless them in Jesus' name! I've been involved in various charity works throughout my lifetime, but for Jesus' sake? This is a first and the most exciting I must say!

Now, let me introduce you to my sponsored child - Thiago Marinho dos Santos, a boy from Santo Amaro, Brazil. He's 6yrs old, going on 7 this year born on 7th Sept 1998. Thiago helps out at home by caring for animals, washing clothes and making beds. Whilst his mom stays at home, his father works as a poorly paid deliverer to provide for a family of 5 children. Thiago likes soccer (no surprises), biking and walking and his best subject in Primary school is Portuguese. Best yet, Thiago regularly participates in church activities!

I've written Thiago a letter over the weekend, and it should be sent to him on Compassion Australia's next wave of letters for the children. Can't wait to hear from him, and I've requested for some pictures by him as well! Thiago's picture quite cute eh? He looks a lot like me when I was his age actually. Haha.. but he wasn't smiling in this one, so I hope I'll get a happy Thiago sometime in the future.

Haha, but first I'll need to fix up a happy Daniel soon too. 10 months of waiting, 10 minutes of bluntness, 10 times the resolve needed. And all 10's to my own stupidity.

Gimme a week.

Oops, here it comes again. Havent had a bad day entry for quite some time already eh? Well, the lack of it on the blog doesnt mean I'm excused from bad days too. Some times I wish it were so, but there's always a cruel twist to every tale.

Been feeling down lately, almost wanted to add a "kinda" before the "down" but the feeling is tad more than "kinda" would describe it to be, so there. It's one of those days your emotions run spirals into a turbulent turmoil and you can't seem to grab it by it's tail. The stress adds to it and small irritants get magnified into crises. If I recall correctly, it came upon a starry midnight on Sunday morning, and it still lingers. This down-state feeling I mean. Might have been tempted to pop another poem about something somewhere, but time's really tight on my hands and tied down with school work, ECA's and just bout every bad dream to ponder through.

Bad sleeps follow nights when one tosses and turns on the bed, hot and humid, thinking through the world all round. Insomnia forces one to walk through the thoughts of time and space, to the past, present and a bleak future... only back to where you had started thinking to continue the cyclic journey all over again. It doesnt help early mornings are compulsory somewhat, unless lectures are skipped but it makes one feel all the more worse, left with guilt and remorse. More greens for meals, less rice for a healthier diet, going for regular exercises for a change towards a better looking me - strange, it had barely started but it feels for naught already.

Hitting 23 in just about 8 days time, with an hour more to boot the record, but I dare not hope for anything anymore. Nor to speak a word about it for the fear of a dream, as fragile as a whisper could shatter. A dream it was, and a beautiful summer dream. Alas autumn comes and the wind blew the greens into a tide of red. The silliness of youthful vigour, becomes but a chasing after the wind, as always been the story untold.

Gimme a week.