The Final Farewell

My grandfather's family of 1 spouse, 8 children and 14 grandchildren, along with friends and relatives bidded a final farewell this morning. As everyone gathered in the morning, there was a dense mix of feelings in the air. It started to pour an hour before the final prayers to be held under the block, and we gathered for a quick prayer, committing the weather over to the Lord. The weather was windy, dark, gloomy and cold. The inside of the casket had a slight layer of moisture just below the glass above the passes of grandpa's exposed skin. Five days, the trapped moisture inside the casket had started to appear, as if to remind us, today was the final day we could see our beloved grandfather.

Well, 15 minutes before the prayers started, the rain subsided to mere trickles. I wouldn't say it was a rare sight of a miracle, but God is faithful, even to the mourning. On a day that was otherwise grim, it gave us a powerful reminder that God is still in control, even now and then. Grandma took a final look over her husband of half a century, and with red eyes turned back towards her seat, helped along by her teary maid. Muffled sniffs sounded about the void deck, as the Pastor gave a quick summary of what would happen later, before rounding up in a prayer. Casket was closed briefly, as was the moving of it into the van. A short trip towards the main road followed, as the song "Amazing Grace" was played over the air. Its was the final journey for my grandfather, and we slowly accompanied him at the back of the van, each step filled with sweet memories of days before. Tears continued to trickle down the cheeks of many, mixed with the occasional drop of rain, but the sorrow nonetheless undiluted. The van came to an abrupt halt as everyone was silently ushered into the buses, headed towards Mandai Crematorium.

Hall 1. Beautiful paneled walls, comfortable wooden benches and a smell of a newly constructed building lingered about the airconditioned room. But none who enteres will have the intention of returning, an irony. The hall remained silent for what seemed like a gap in time. For a handful of minutes, you could hear a pin drop. Everyone was aware of the heavy heartedness that hung about the atmosphere. All except an occasional child, nonchalant to the passing of a relative. A song, a declaration, a chorus, a testimony, a benediction and soon a final look upon grandpa's countenance. Final - a dreaded word today. A short, painful and powerful adjective gripping the memories of better days and hauling them to surface in our minds. A tear jerked or two follows, and another short prayer for his passing. Yellow Chrysanthemum for the ladies, white ones for the men. Friends were handed tulips, as each made a final round about the casket, taking a peer into the glass before placing the flower in respect of the deceased. I will not cry, I reminded myself; I will hold back. Easily said, but amidst the rush of memories that poured open like flung wide dams, the heart could easily have been crushed.

The silence continued, broken by the occasional sniffs, as we took a short walk to the viewing gallery. Taking a quick glance, many eyes were red and tissues were passed around but no sight of the casket just yet. Everyone pressed towards the front of the large glass that separated us from the stretching corridor below leading towards the furnace, as if the walls that separate between the living and the dead. Children began to grow anxious in waiting. Adults wished the passing of time would proceed in reverse order. But uncountable numbers had wished the same from long before, and none had come to pass. So it was likewise, ours would be no different. The head of the casket appeared. A machined trolley slowly crawled its way towards the metal furnace doors, carrying the wooden frame around the body of whom was once the head of the household, a greatly respected figure and mightily loved. Muted wailings began to whimpered about the front. Sniffs grew more apparent and no one fought against the heart pains, it was meaningless. I will not cry, I reminded myself. My eyes transfixed upon the trolley, many silent goodbyes to my beloved grandfather whispered beneath my breath. It was easier to look at the wooden casket, than to glance at the large photo of my grandfather my cousin was holding. The casket meant nothing, but that photo meant everything that everyone held dear today. Before we could breathe again, the casket had disappeared and we were ushered outside.

I stayed silent. I had not shed a tear. A brief victory it seemed over what could have been a flood of emotions. But as everyone started to wash up their faces, and attended to the refreshments, my brief victory began to crack. I could not speak. I knew that if I did, what I had held back for so long might have been all in vain. I took short random strolls about the long corridor to avoid conversations as I grit my teeth as if to tell my heart to strengthen up. Random thoughts dashed across my mind in the short moment of silence. I realized, I was not ready to lose my parents, I was not ready to lose my grandmothers and I was not ready to lose a lot of other people whom were dear to me. With each person reminded, I prayed that the Lord will be merciful.

The journey back seemed longer than before. Perhaps a mindful of thoughts had lengthened the threads of time. We returned to where we had first begun the final journey. Nothing much had changed, except grandpa was no more. But for some like us, that might have meant everything. For sweet memories, faded photographs and the occasional conversations are what's left of grandpa. But in our hearts, a great name; a legacy of a father, grandfather and of a faithful Christian remains forever, as with his spirit in the hands of Jesus.

Jesus The Same
by Hillsong, album: For all You've done

There's a light in the darkness that shines
Giving hope to all the world
Hope to all the world
And there's a door that's been opened to all
Into a new and living way
A new and living way

Praise the name of Jesus
Perfect Redeemer, Star of the Morning
Yesterday, today and forever
Jesus the Same...

There's a fire that burns in our hearts
To see the lost return
To the Father
And it's a passion that's not of our own
We have seen it in the Son
In the face of the Son

Wonderful Counsillor
Mighty God, Eternal Father
Prince of Peace