Blog first, Sydney later

I miss Sydney. I think that sums up most of the feelings I have now, from the time I returned last night. The ride was never short of laughs, fun and exciting new things for me to learn. Will be going into the itinerary details once I get my photos all ready, and all the interesting things I've picked up along the trip. But for now, some thoughts..

Being around the Tan family (and cousins) really impressed a lot on me for the last 2 weeks. I might not have said it, I might not have shown it, but there's been a lot going through my lump of white and grey matter (brain not excreta). It came as a revelation to me about family love. Thing is, I grew up in a family where rules are rules, and love is shown mostly through making meals. Don't mistake my words, there's plenty of love about the house, but it just isn't shown verbally nor physically. Now, I've been about families but staying with a family for 2 weeks is a whole different story.

I saw how love is shown through hugs, arms around the shoulders, words of praises for one another, even simple deeds like washing dishes and making tea. Sure there are some fun verbal pokes at one another, but even so the love behind it all is unmistakable. And through it all as I watched like a curious little boy envious, I feel so inadequate. I came to realize how I fail to love, show love and in doing so become unable to communicate love. Sure, there's plenty of love where it came from but it just doesnt reach the other people. That I came to realize, is my greatest lack in life.

It doesnt take a great teacher, preacher or communicator to touch individuals. It takes someone who really cares and shows love generously with no other agenda in mind. I might be the best person on stage but what legacy have I left behind once I step off the platform? Who will truly remember me for what I've done in their lives? That's why I've always respected the likes of Karen and OCX, just to name a few. They're great not for being fantastic celebrities on stage, but for being fantastic inspirations to individuals.

The consequences of an inability to show love spreads wide across different faculties of my life. My lovelife (which incidentally has had little success), my family life (beyond just my immediate family) and it worse yet, it permeates through my ministry as well. When it comes down to loving someone, there's plenty of it within the heart but it barely leaks out through actions and words. It's so pathetic, sometimes it hurts. Ever felt like someone was so important to you, you wish you could have said or done something better at THAT time but you DIDNT and it hurts?

I'm not quite sure if there's a remedy for this, and that's the strange bit. So should I start showing care, concern and love verbally? Might feel like an awkward change. Or even to appreciation others through hugs? I might get sued. Well all in all, I think there's been a change in mindset already so it's a good start as any. If my ego doesnt stand in the way, I sure hope many others will start feeling loved. Myself or otherwise. Thanks for reading. ;)